When people hurt us, we take away people’s right to feel pain directly after.
What do I mean?
Let’s say my guy does something that hurts me weeks ago, then boom I do something that hurts him. When he brings it to me, I act as if there’s no need to take accountability because he is talking about, I hurt him? My only answer is “but you hurt me though.” It all goes back to holding people accountable immediately when the hurt is caused. And let’s say we do that. However, that person chooses to recover, whether that be a defence mechanism, complete oblivion, or they actually take accountability and apologise, it will literally tell you how to move accordingly. But don’t take away people’s rights to be human because you don’t communicate well. That’s not fair on a human level.
As of recent years, I’ve become uncomfortable with the sayings: “N****s ain’t s**t.” “B*****s ain’t s**t.” And I’m expressing exactly like this for a reason. I believe how men and women are and have become is so complex but if I was to explain it in a nutshell, I’d say I just feel like we’re all just a product of our pain and how we choose to internalise it. Men hurt women, we learn to lose trust and however we decided to be after that is the outcome of not knowing how to communicate that we’re simply disappointed that you were irresponsible with our feelings. And also, wouldn’t know what do to with our feelings if we did and it doesn’t go the way we’d desire. Women hurt men, they lose that same trust but it’s different for men because the right to be vulnerable and how to communicate their pain was taken away by society already. So, they internalise it and act according to the fact they don’t know how to communicate their pain either and they’re also no longer masculine if they do.
We are so human; we don’t know what to do with ourselves. But I’ll tell you what, when you really take accountability and muster up the courage to face the pain that started it all from a child, you begin to gain a different perspective of how to allow people grace. Because you need it yourself. Dealing with yourself, your flaws, your poor communication skills, your poor judgment, your bad decision making, your defence mechanisms, your insecurities, your disappointments…. You learn very quickly how complex we really all are and to judge people based upon that is just simply dehumanising. We think it hurts more to face people when really it hurts more to face yourself and realize how weak you’ve been, how bitter, how unrealistic, how unforgiving, how hateful, how spiteful, how insecure, how disloyal, how irresponsible, and so on and so forth. It takes courage to fight against the pain you already have lived with since a child due to failure of protection. It’s easier to go with the pain, place blame, continue to sweep things under the rug and let bitterness make our decisions for us.
